Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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