She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
