hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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