Cold hands, warm shart.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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