at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
