So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
