Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
