i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize