Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
