So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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