Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I pour the whiskey from now on
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
