My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
