I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
