is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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