Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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