But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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