It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
