she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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