So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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