i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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