You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
