Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
