i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
