So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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