just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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