"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
