Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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