By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
jump out the window naked night went bad
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize