I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
