My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
