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just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
And then my night got REAL pukey
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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