Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize