He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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