I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
