haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Randomize
