chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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