if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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