You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
