omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
