moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
