You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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