Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
