i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
