Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
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