I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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