I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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