it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
