What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
COCAINE IS GR8
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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