grandma shit on top of the toilet
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I think my vagina is haunted
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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