The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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