you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
