he wants to bone in the snuggie
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
i out mim tonsoeep
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