Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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