The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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