On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Randomize
