So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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