Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just gift wrapped bread.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
