I like to think it a success when the cops are called
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
