Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
