I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
