She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
