so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Randomize
