We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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