We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
